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Sex & Toddlers: Is it Possible to Have Both?

by Healthy Mens Info Staff
couple with toddlers in bed showing feet

This is a very odd question:

Is it possible to have a toddler and still have a regular sex life with your significant other?

The answer is less odd:

Yes, it is possible.

But I know, I get it. You might be feeling like it’s absolutely impossible to have both. Here’s what some parents are saying about their sex life with a toddler running around the house:

“Being married with children is like being a teenager again. You can only have sex if you sneak around and don’t get caught”

“It was a lot easier to hide sex from my parents when I was a teenager than it is to hide sex from my kids as an adult.”

It’s not fun. Rushing to put your toddler down for a nap or rushing to put him/her to bed early so that the two of you can get down and dirty and have some privacy is a lot of work (outside of your regular jobs and your full-time jobs as parents). Then, when you think the two of you are finally free to go about your business, your little boy or little girl bounces out of bed and needs something, or simply doesn’t feel like sleeping.

The challenge is real. But that’s what I’m here for! I’m going to give you some tips and tricks so that you can have a good sex life while a toddler is running around the house. But keep in mind, conserve some of that energy so that you two can have a good time in bed (AKA, not viewing sex as a chore).

Let’s go!

You have to be intimate together.

Sex & Toddlers: Is it Possible to Have Both?Intimacy is one thing, sex is another. When the two of you are married or raising a child together, you need to be intimate prior to having sex. It’ll get the two of you going faster considering you’re on a time crunch. Intimate actions include rubbing one another’s back, running your fingers through each other’s hair, cuddling each other, and simply touching one another. Obviously, this doesn’t mean the two of you need to do it at the same time. For example, touch her back and gently caress her neck and shoulders. Next time she’ll probably end up making the first move.

Bonus: Intimacy is something that can be done in front of your children as well as away from your children. Intimacy is a tool used as a ‘before foreplay’ technique; Trust me, it’ll get the ball rolling.

Chill out with the discussions about your kid.

I know this sounds mean, but it’s very necessary at times. You guys can’t just talk about your kid day in and day out; You should still have a life. Talk about that. Talk about your day and how it went, or about the newest dinner you’d like to cook, or about planning a date night. Throw in some intimacy like I stated before and you’ll be on your way to a more pleasant night with your significant other.

Go to your nearest hardware store and get a lock for your door.

I know what you’re thinking, “Am I abandoning my kid?” The answer to that question is no. I mean, don’t be a jerk and leave the door closed if he/she comes banging on your door because they’ve had a bad dream. The purpose of the lock is to give the two of you a few extra moments to cover up and get to the door before they barge in on you in action.

Don’t let your kid in the bed with you.

If you allow your kid to sleep in the bed with you, they’ll get in the habit of it. In other words, the romance in you and your significant other’s life will drift away slowly. You don’t want this. If you’ve already let him/her in your bed, you might have to think of a good way to make them stay in their own bed from now on.

Remember: The bedroom should be a spot where you and your spouse lay to sleep and do sexy things. It’s not meant for the kids to bombard you in your moments of privacy.

Try to get away with your significant other.

Go out together, and make sure it’s an all-night adventure. This doesn’t mean you have to go far away, like on a distant island for a week. Just grabbing a hotel and dinner will suffice. You just need that one night to bond together, make love, and sleep in. And, while you’re at it, get a babysitter you trust so that you don’t have to worry about your kid. This also helps because you’ll be able to sleep in for once (when was the last time you slept in?).

The two of you might have to adapt. If so, try getting down with the quickie.

Sex & Toddlers: Is it Possible to Have Both?I know, I get it. Everyone wants a relaxing night away from the kids so that they can be romantic. But sometimes, unfortunately, you don’t have this option. Sometimes you have to get the deed done so that you can go back downstairs to make your kid lunch of some sort. So, argot the quickie. Here’s how to make it interesting, though.

Try flirting at first. Send your partner a text and make it sexy. Try avoiding pictures of the D; She probably doesn’t get riled up that way. Instead, tell her how sexy she is and throw in what you’d like to do to her.

Then, be flexible with where and when you do it. If an opportunity presents itself, such as when your kid is napping or when you’re at a get together at your friend’s house, take advantage of it.

Also, move the furniture. Why, you may be wondering? Because the whole point of a quickie is to be quiet. If the furniture is squeaky or hitting up against a wall, the quietness of the quickie goes away (then you’re more likely to get caught).

Try getting some lube. This is a safety precaution, just in cause one of you, or both of you, aren’t physically ready for sex. I mean let’s be honest, sometimes the two of you want to have sex but you don’t have time to get her wet and she doesn’t have time to get you hard. Here’s where the lube comes in.

Finally, be prepared for your kid to walk in on the two of you.

In order to do this, follow these steps:

  • Cover up quickly
  • Stay calm
  • Show each other affection
  • Redirect their attention


By Jenny Lyn

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