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How to Talk About Sex like a Grown Adult

There’s so much to explore in the realm of sex. There’s sex toys, threesomes, role play, fantasies, fetishes and don’t forget the endless positions to try out. It’s never-ending. But how will you get to try all these cool things with your partner if you never actually bring it up. It can be awkward to ask her “if it’s ok if you could maybe try anal?” Or “maybe we could bring a friend into the bedroom?” We are adults and we should be able to talk about these things without feeling shame or shyness. Here is how to have a conversation about sex.

Talk about it as soon as possible

It’s always best to set your intentions right away. Talk about sex and what you like from the get go. Even if it’s the first date. If you’re into threesomes, let her know. It’s harder to bring something like that up later. It will seem like you were ashamed of it or didn’t want to risk your chance of sleeping with her. You also want to find out what she would be into trying and what she likes in bed. You could frame the conversation by asking her “which positions are your favorite?”, “what kind of stuff turns you on?”. Remember that girls are raised to be ashamed of sex so don’t judge her on her answers. You want to be as encouraging as possible.

Set aside time for it

If you’ve never actually talked about sex and you’re already 3 months into the relationship, you’d better get on it! The thing is, you don’t want to bring it up out of nowhere. If you’re chilling or watching a movie and you just bring it up, she’s not going to respond well because she’s not ready for it. You should also avoid bringing it up before, after or during sex because it could kill the mood. The best way to do it is to say “Hey, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Don’t worry, it’s something exciting. Is now a good time?”. This way she will be ready and can center herself before you start the conversation.

Keep it light and fun

If there’s something she’s doing in bed you don’t like, don’t make that the only thing you talk about. You want the conversation to be mostly positive. To keep it fun and exciting, you can even write out some questions to ask her, like “what is your biggest sexual fantasy?”. I know it sounds a little too planned, but when talking about sensitive subjects, being overly planned makes it seem a lot less awkward and more like a fun activity. This is really good to do over dinner. Bring the questions to the table and tell her you have a sex quiz for her. You want to get her thinking about what she likes and doesn’t like and maybe what she’s up for trying.

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