There’s a reason why people are scared to break up with someone – it’s extremely difficult. Not to mention it’s hard to do. And what’s worse is that it doesn’t matter which person you are in the situation, the dumper and the dumpee both find it pretty unsettling. But if you’ve finally realized that the relationship can’t go any further, it’s time to cut the cord. Stop thinking about how much breaking up with someone is going to suck and start figuring out how you’re going to do it.
If you’re wondering whether the reason you’re doing the breaking up is valid, check out the brief list of appropriate reasons below:
- If you and your significant other continuously have the same issues/fights and the resolutions are not getting any better, you should break up with them
- If your partner refuses to support your needs, goals, or inhibitions, you should break up with them
- If your partner is no longer honest/you can’t trust them, you should break up with them
So, how do you do it? Well, I’m going to give you some advice on how to do it the respectable way. Just remember that every break up is not the same. Also, remember that every break up does not have to be miserable; the two of you can actually enjoy yourselves together on your last night of being a couple.
Let’s go through the steps you should idolize while breaking up with your partner.
Give the relationship the break up it deserves.
What I mean by that is you should always treat the break up the way the relationship was treated. For instance, you should not break up with your significant other through text message if you’ve been with them for a long time. In fact, you should quite literally never break up with someone through text message, as this is crude and unfair. Plus, doing this will ensure that your partner does not get the closure he/she needs and deserves.
Be honest and have a face-to-face interaction when you do the break-up. This will give them the chance to ask questions. It will also give them the opportunity to hear what you’re saying through your tone of voice and see your facial expressions and body language throughout the situation.
If you really care about the person, do it the best way you possibly can.
Be honest with the person about why the break up is happening.
Do not try and lie your way out of the situation, that’s not fair for them, and it will promote bad relationship karma for you in the future.
Instead, tell them what happened. Did your feelings change? Are you two not good together anymore? Did either of you stray off the relationship path? Does your future not match up with theirs anymore? Stuff like that. This will allow the two of you to have a mature, adult conversation about why the break up is happening.
Avoid telling your partner what he/she has done wrong if they’ve done anything wrong. Don’t play the blame-game. Try your best to be compassionate and kind and everything will work out in the end.
If your partner is asking you to clarify certain things about the break-up, use “I” statements. For example, say, “I felt that this didn’t make me comfortable anymore…”
Don’t hold on; make it a clean break up.
I know this is easier said than done, especially if your significant other has been in your life for a long time, but trust me when I say it’s the best way to break up. Don’t hold on to the ‘friendship’ the two of you had. Break up and be done with it. If you give the dumpee hope for the future, that’ll just make the situation confusing and uncomfortable.
Think about it this way: If you were being dumped and your partner stated that there was a possibility that there could be a future between the two of you, wouldn’t you be pained and tortured, and full of hope? Don’t do this to your significant other. If it happens down the road, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
Don’t ever do it in public.
You owe them that much. There’s no reason to ever break up with someone in public, especially considering you don’t know how they’ll react. Instead, do it in private so that the two of you can express your emotions freely.
Don’t be afraid to tell him/her what the relationship gave you.
Understand that you’re going to have to talk about the negatives of your relationship, but you’ll also be able to talk about the positives of your relationship. Speak to them with warmth and let them know that you did love them. Just be sure to make them understand that the relationship is over.
Please remember to be kind every step of the way, you don’t want to break them down to their lowest point. It may be harder for you to be kind throughout it, but trust me, you’ll thank yourself for it in the end.
With that being said, do not, and I mean do not, ghost your significant other. They don’t deserve that one bit.
While breaking up with them, don’t forget your needs.
The conversation will get difficult. The words might get brutal. The emotions may be overwhelming. Through it all, don’t forget what you need to grow as an individual. You’re doing this break up because you don’t see a bright future with the person, for whatever reason that may be. If they try to convince you otherwise, ground yourself as best as you can to not fall.
The key is to remind yourself that this is for your own good.
Don’t drag it out.
Once you’ve finally realized you want to break up with someone, just do it. As soon as you’re ready, have the big conversation and be done with it.
Often times, people know that they want to break up with their partner, but they tend to drag it out because they feel bad for the other person. Usually, the partner will know something is up, but they won’t be able to put their finger on it. You may think you’re sparing their feelings by doing this, but that’s not the case.
Keep in mind, your partner may need to have a few additional conversations to get the appropriate amount of closure, and if you can find it in your heart to do this, make them happy and do it. Remember, be kind.
Don’t offer to be their support system.
You will hate seeing them hurt, that’s the honest truth. That does not mean you should offer to stay in their life and help them get through this hard time; it’ll only bring them pain and suffering. You’re the last person they need to be around right now.
Instead, if you really want to be friends with them, stick to the three-month rule – give it three months and decide if you still want to be friends. If you do, then and only then can you have that conversation.
Good luck with your break up. And remember, always be kind.
By Jenny Lyn