Regaining Intimacy after Childbirth
Giving birth is an experience that happen to almost every woman around the world. Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s not highly individualized. Each woman adapts and reacts differently. This makes it difficult to know exactly what to expect after childbirth.
Even after speaking to their doctors, women are still left clueless about what’s happening to their body. Men especially are beyond their comfort zone. It’s not just the physical changes that scares people off. There’s now a screaming baby who requires a lot of attention.
All these elements can put a hold on intimacy. Immediately following the birth, there’s the doctor’s order to not take part in sexual activities until all tissues have finished healing. After the medical hold is lifted, there’s still many things to consider before getting back to business.
Emotions are high
The first issue to consider is the woman’s well-being, both physical and emotional. Even after the doctor lifts all holds, she may still feel tired or in pain. There’s no cure it all and medicine cannot make every pain go away. Only time can heal some of them.
If she’s not in pain, she may not be emotionally ready. Again, childbirth is a traumatic experience so, women don’t easily get over it. Her body neither look not feel the same. Her breast are not more than sexual organs, they’re a milk factory. The lines between those two functions are not easily blurred for either mom or dad.
They probably will leak a little, during the most unexpected moments. They will be more sensitive with all the breastfeeding she’s been doing. They’re also full of milk so, they’re heavier. There are many hormonal changes that happened. Many organs, especially sexual ones, are dilated and become tender.
This includes the vagina which will have many changes. By just looking at it, the vagina doesn’t look different. It heals itself and shrinks in place pretty quickly afterwards. None of that change the fact that a baby just passed through it. Even a C-section will change it.
It’s very likely it’s going to be dry even after foreplay. It may be looser or tighter during the first few times. It all depends on the person and what happened during the process. If it was a difficult birth, she may have some tears that will take more than a couple of weeks to heal completely.
All these changes in the body make many women prefer to keep their clothes on and push everyone else away. These are the times that self-esteem issues start to pop up. She might not feel as attractive as she used to and want time alone.
Man couples have gone through these same issues. They are not easy to overcome but, it’s a must for the relationship to move forward. It mostly depends on the women, though. Both people might avoid the intimacy at first but, the women usually take longer to seek it again.
The main path to overcoming this like every other marital issues is communication and patience. It takes time. Both people have to take into account the other’s physical and emotional states. They have to accept they have no control over certain things.
The body is different. The household is also different with the added responsibility. It has often times proven to be a maturing process. People become aware of more facts about life and themselves.
The act itself will be different so, get ready for that. People discover new desires about themselves. Old desires sometimes die off completely. Every emotional reactions being display are perfectly normal. There are no formulas to cure them all. There are no special guides that will work on everybody. As long as everybody is aware of each other and understand the other person. Then, things in the bedroom may slowly slip back to its original and new normality.
Adjusting to Change
Once everybody’s accept all these and get ready to resume activities, now there’s the issue of time and sleep. Kids, more importantly newborn babies, have many needs that the parents have to fulfill day and night. They have to be fed, changed, and put to sleep. Parents have to keep a close eye on them at all times. This means it’s not always possible to leave them to themselves. Even at nights, they wake up so easily. Parents never have deep sleeps.
Most parents also have to work. It’s most often only the father but, finances may not permit it. Sometimes, mothers have to start working again really soon after giving birth if they don’t want to run out of money.
All these issues make personal times very few in between. When parents finally have times to themselves, they mostly just sleep. A baby and everything that comes with it are all very draining. It’s not wrong to want to skip the intimacy and go right to sleep.
Make Time for Each Other
Although, neglecting times for intimacy may create other problems. If it’s pushed back for too long, the two people may develop more of a roommate relationship than anything else. Frustration will rise and the future becomes unstable. Therefore, even though everything is not set to go all the way, a little touching can always make things better.
Moms and dads have a lot of planning and organizing to do in order to balance all these. Skipping sex doesn’t have to destroy everything, though. There are other ways to be intimate that are not as draining. There’s kissing, touching, sexting, and even a simple cuddle within those free times. It may help to start scheduling sexy times.
The process of child bearing is more than pregnancy and childbirth. After the baby’s out, now all the no fun activities start. It can tear couples apart. The main trick is to always keep in mind that both people are in this together. It’s not a battlefield so, it’s important to communicate and understand each other. Be prepared for certain things to feel and be different. It’s best to be in the same wavelength and always to push to reserve some time to just be a couple instead of parents.